Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Lack of a Love Life

As you probably read from the title, I am talking about my "Love Life" or Lack of Love life that is. I've never had a boyfriend, never had my first kiss and I haven't had a serious crush in years. Back in middle school I would develop crushes at the blink of an eye. One minute I would like one  boy, the next I would like someone else. However in middle school the steaks were low, I never actually considered *gasp* asking the boy out  it was more of secret crushes. The kinds that I didn't revel to my friends and never imagined them as my boyfriend. As highschool started I found myself becoming more and more picky. I never really found any guys that I devolped a serious crush on where we would text all night and talk in school. Sure, there are some definite cuties in my grade, but I can never see them liking a girl like me. I'm plain, boring and quiet. There are a million other beautiful girls at my school that they would chose before me. Sometimes I just feel so inferior to some girls  because I don't stand a chance against them. There are so many pretty outgoing funny smart atheltic girls that I could never compete with. I think that's why I'm so nervous around boys, because I'm afriad there going to judge me on my looks. I feel that if I  look them in the eyes I will be able to see that they dont find me attractive. I know its stupid and so petty compard to all the horrible things happening in the world. I think my lack of love life really affects my happiness even though thats one of the things I'm trying to care less about. I feel that once I stop caring, someone amazing will come along. The problem with me is that I'm a hopeless romantic. When I like a boy I REALLY like him. I have I wild imagination and I always create these "fanatsties" where I end up dating this amazingly attractive boy, that in reality would never date me. I create this up in my head and I pick different boys from my school, and create this dream world where we go out. I know its not realistic and I need to stop doing that. Also I tend to get jealous/ sad over my friends that either have boyfriends or crushes. I just feel left out and I so badly want to be in their shoes but I can't just force myself to like someone. They always tell me in order to get a boyfriend I need to find someone to like, but the problem is I can't just pick a boy, get his number, and start talking to him. That's not how it works for me. Some girls are pretty enough to do that, but unfortunately I'm not one of those girls. One of my "friends" is like one of those girls that could get any guy she wants. But I'll tell y'all about that situation later because I'm so tried I might pass out. Anyways I hope whoever is reading this..if anyone is reading this has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Goodnight lovelies xoxo

p.s Ignore any spelling/grammar errors, the spell check wasn't working :/

1 comment:

  1. Please don't stop blogging. I feel like you are heading towards a journey to self-discovery and I know what that feels like. I believe you're onto something, so don't give up.