Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Lack of a Love Life

As you probably read from the title, I am talking about my "Love Life" or Lack of Love life that is. I've never had a boyfriend, never had my first kiss and I haven't had a serious crush in years. Back in middle school I would develop crushes at the blink of an eye. One minute I would like one  boy, the next I would like someone else. However in middle school the steaks were low, I never actually considered *gasp* asking the boy out  it was more of secret crushes. The kinds that I didn't revel to my friends and never imagined them as my boyfriend. As highschool started I found myself becoming more and more picky. I never really found any guys that I devolped a serious crush on where we would text all night and talk in school. Sure, there are some definite cuties in my grade, but I can never see them liking a girl like me. I'm plain, boring and quiet. There are a million other beautiful girls at my school that they would chose before me. Sometimes I just feel so inferior to some girls  because I don't stand a chance against them. There are so many pretty outgoing funny smart atheltic girls that I could never compete with. I think that's why I'm so nervous around boys, because I'm afriad there going to judge me on my looks. I feel that if I  look them in the eyes I will be able to see that they dont find me attractive. I know its stupid and so petty compard to all the horrible things happening in the world. I think my lack of love life really affects my happiness even though thats one of the things I'm trying to care less about. I feel that once I stop caring, someone amazing will come along. The problem with me is that I'm a hopeless romantic. When I like a boy I REALLY like him. I have I wild imagination and I always create these "fanatsties" where I end up dating this amazingly attractive boy, that in reality would never date me. I create this up in my head and I pick different boys from my school, and create this dream world where we go out. I know its not realistic and I need to stop doing that. Also I tend to get jealous/ sad over my friends that either have boyfriends or crushes. I just feel left out and I so badly want to be in their shoes but I can't just force myself to like someone. They always tell me in order to get a boyfriend I need to find someone to like, but the problem is I can't just pick a boy, get his number, and start talking to him. That's not how it works for me. Some girls are pretty enough to do that, but unfortunately I'm not one of those girls. One of my "friends" is like one of those girls that could get any guy she wants. But I'll tell y'all about that situation later because I'm so tried I might pass out. Anyways I hope whoever is reading this..if anyone is reading this has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Goodnight lovelies xoxo

p.s Ignore any spelling/grammar errors, the spell check wasn't working :/

Monday, November 19, 2012

And so it begins....This is the very first post of my blog! I've started this on a whim, without much thinking, I may regret this later but I feel writing this blog is necessary in helping myself. So here is a little bit about me. I'm a 16 year old girl,who is a Junior in High school. I won't disclose any personal information just because I want to keep this blog anonymous in case anyone from my school ever reads it (though I doubt they will)High school SUCKS! Seriously it's horrible, I'm not exaggerating. Although I'm no world class writer, writing for me is something I've always enjoyed and have considered myself semi good at it. There may be some spelling and grammar error (sorry no help from mom to proof read) so please excuse any of that shanaganes. Anyways lets get onto the point of this blog. 

The Road to Self Happiness. 
I got myself thinking after another crappy day at school, why was I so unhappy? It wasn't depression unhappiness but just a general unhappiness about life. I put myself down for many things not being pretty enough, not being smart enough, not having enough friends, not having a boyfriend (or ever having one for that matter). I want to be happy with myself and be proud of myself. I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and think you are beautiful. I need to love myself before anyone else can love me. Although I've told myself these things a million times before, I really needed something that would help me to actual achieve this happiness. Something that I could do on my own, but was more than just scrolling through inspirational quotes on tumblr. That's why I created this blog. In this blog I will attempt to write each day ( probably not everyday cause ya know I'm a busy girl) but I will write every day in my journal.
So what exactly will I do on this blog, you may ask?
Well each day I will write out goals for myself in finding happiness and Self- Love. It may just be as simple as "talk to a new person" but it's something that will challenge myself. After each day I will try and write about things I accomplished or things that made me feel bad. Since I can't write everyday on here, I have to make sure I write in my journal everyday about my goals accomplishments e.t.c. When I post on here I will try to record my accomplishments goals, mishaps on here. Really what I'm writing on this blog is pretty general it may just be rants or it may be topics about self confidence, self respect, friends e.t.c anything that will help me in reaching my goal. I've created a little map that I drew on an Index card which I will post on here. At first I thought about creating a end date which is February 19 2013. The "end date" doesn't really mean the end of this blog of continuing self appreciation but it's just a date that I would like to reach by writing on this blog and in my journal.
However this blog isn't just for me, feel free to join me in my quest to happiness if you are a teenager struggling with similar issues as me or if your someone older that hopefully finds some inspiration and guidance. So lets do this together! Whohoo
Here is the pledge that I am following.
I challenge you to go on a mission to seek happiness and self love. To find inner confidence and let the true you shine. To stop hating school and enjoy the little moments of life. To stop comparing your self to friends, people, celebrities, to stop being jealous of others love lives- you must love yourself before you can expect others to love you. To make a change in my life for the better and to strive to find internal happiness. To Stop putting myself down and hating myself.
 General Rules
You must follow these rules in order to reach happiness. Keep in mind there is no "end" date for this challenge, it can be and should be achieved past the date for the rest of you life. This is just a time frame
1. Don't put yourself down
2 Don't compare yourself to others
3. Stop day dreaming about things that aren't going got happen
4. Smile
5 Talk to a new person each day
6. Write a blog post every other day
7. Don't give up!

 Whew okay that's it and I think my hands my fall off from typing. If you've made it to the end of this blog post congrats cause that was a lot of writing!

Anyways thanks for reading and see you soon!