at this point in time, I am worse than I have ever been.
my eating is past out of control, I am almost embarrassed to admit it.
that's why i haven't talked on here in so long.

this may sound stupid, but my eating is linked somewhat to my social life. My friends are annoyances, not friends. I am tired of their stupid drama and stupid mood swings. Katie is never nice, she is loud and says really hurtful things, Tori is a whole different story. Lexie is too perfect to be around, she seems like she knows everything and she isn't flawed whatsoever. Liz is perfectly fine and I have no problem with Barrett. They really get me, I go to them with my problems, not my eating ones, those I only talk to Liz about. It helps so much to have somebody that has an eating disorder around. They get it. She encourages me to work out and not to eat and then understands everything i go through everday. I almost fight myself to eat. It is weird, and I don't really know how to explain it. I think I am going to go to a therapist at school. I don't exactly know how to go about seeing one or if we even do have one, but I may try.

Chinese Food
Pizza
coco puffs
cheerios
yogurt
cranraisins
peanutbutter
peanutbutter
peanutbutter

what the hell is wrong with me
I migh t as well not even bother going to the gym. It isn't fun, I don't like it. It is mroe like a burden. I wake up and I ned to plan when I'm going to the gym and then I have to talk myself out of relaxing or taking a dsession off. I only say  session because I go to the gym at least twice a day. Sometimes, up to 3. I am running low on energy  and motivation thou gh. It is quite understandable because i am b y  uyself most of the time. It actually bothers me when my "friends" go. They are boring and I hate having them there. They almost seem to be in my way.

Maybe I am just bitter, maybe I am sick

I don't give a fuck anymore.